i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
