I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
