So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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