I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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