I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
