Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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