Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Green mimosas i think yes
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize