I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
