i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Im part way to drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
