I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
