Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
