the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
