i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
