But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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