the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
