Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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