ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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