Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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