Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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