i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
