I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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