Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
