There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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