walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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