Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
