butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
