So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
