How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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