I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
