Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
