he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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