the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
