I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
