i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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