i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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