i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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