If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
