We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
