Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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