The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
