Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
