My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize