Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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