I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
