why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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