he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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