the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
