I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
