we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
