No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
