OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
