Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
