dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
