I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he fucked my hip out of place.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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