I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They have beer where we have blood.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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