found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
