we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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