Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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