Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
