you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
