why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
