chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I could fuck to npr.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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