Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
