Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
