I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
