i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
