My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
