Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
