I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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